so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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