wanna go halves on a baby?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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