i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
