is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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