I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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