You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i out mim tonsoeep
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