The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
