A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
