I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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