Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
