I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
