please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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