and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
