So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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