I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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