can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's always time for handjobs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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