He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize