I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
