Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
