I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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