It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
