I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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