We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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