saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize