you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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