I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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