my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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