What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
