I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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