It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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