shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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