I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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