I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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