3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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