Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
