1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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