now i know why i became what i already was.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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