if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
