Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
