so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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