i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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