Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
