He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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