I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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