Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
