It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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