You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
