babies were throwing up all over the place
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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