evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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