im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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